It took nature millions of years to evolve the bikini body. And a costume designer one movie to exploit it.
When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth was part of a short trend of ’60s/’70s films that defied science and showed dinosaurs and humans living together. In this case, one of the humans was beautiful star Victoria Vetri, aka Angela Dorian. The movie would be perfect entertainment for creationists, except it's also procreationist—i.e. there's nudity and sex in it. The very religious may not like cinematic skin, but in our book the movie is a natural selection for an evening's entertainment. This promo poster is similar to the Japanese promo we showed you several years ago, but even rarer. In addition all three female co-stars—Vetri, Imogen Hassall, and Magda Konopka—get life-sized promo posters, seen below. These items are real gems.
Here's a bit of trivia. Efx duo Jim Danforth and Roger Dicken earned an Academy Award nomination for Best Achievement in Special Visual Effects, and we don't mean for the fur bikinis. We know—it's hard to believe the movie won anything except the eternal disdain of evolutionary scientists, but it was a box office hit partly thanks to Danforth and Dicken's miniature stop action work. We guess Vetri and company had a little something to do with it too. Check the movie out sometime. It's fun, whether your preference in partly clothed actors runs to male, female, or both. After opening in England in 1970, When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth premiered in the U.S. today in 1971. You can read more about it here and here.
See the blood? I just killed Raquel Welch.
Which is the best prehistoric lost world adventure ever filmed? Is it One Million Years B.C. with Raquel Welch or When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth with Victoria Vetri? Don't get us wrong. Both are complete bullshit. Both show humans and dinosaurs living together, which never happened unless you're a fundamentalist who believes what you see in biblical museums. But apart from the scientific silliness of both movies, which is best? It's a question like Beatles versus Stones, California white versus Spanish red, or Kanye West versus Anderson Paak. It shows who you are. What you're made of. We're going with Vetri and Ruled the Earth, because the filming of Dinosaurs was basically a longform orgy and Vetri admits it. Also she shot her terrible husband in the chest, and we guess the only reason she used a gun was because her spear was in the other room. Total badass. This photo is from 1970.
The dinosaurs aren't the only ones with small brains.
1960s and 1970s lost world movies like When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth are fun, but just lately they're also a reminder that—despite all geological, biological, paleontological and, for that matter, just plain logical proof to the contrary—a lot of people actually believe humans co-existed with dinosaurs. Well, this movie is for them, and as a bonus everyone in it is white, which of course we know was the case in the prehistoric past. But does homogeneity bring harmony to the planet? No, because Victoria Vetri is a ravishing blonde whose differences from the brunette tribe she encounters initially make her a perfect sacrifice candidate, and later a potential mate for one of the men. This annoys the hell out of the brunette women, and thence sparks fly and deeper troubles develop.
In its own way When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is better than the more famous One Million Years B.C., and in her own way Victoria Vetri is better than the more famous Raquel Welch. That may sound a bit crazy, but in terms of quality note that the two films have very similar scores on IMDB—5.8 versus 5.2—and in terms of lead actresses Vetri gets naked whereas Welch does not. Is it okay to say that? Well, we're a bit caveman-like ourselves, so blame it on our primitive brains. Anyway, both movies are fun, if scientifically preposterous, but When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth is cheaper, which makes it funnier, and in turn means it's a perfect popcorn and beer flick. Watch it and laugh. It premiered in England in October 1970 and rampaged across Japan today in 1971. I am called Sanna. I come from across the great sea and represent a new evolutionary stage in personal grooming.
You fake blonde bitch. You better get your eyes off my man before I yank them out of your head and eat them on a cracker.
Shit. I really wanted to make friends with everyone. Sometimes being astoundingly beautiful is really hard.
So Tara, where's your girlfriend? Oh well, doesn't matter. Tara sounds a little like a girl’s name. And Ayak sounds like a boy’s name. Maybe you two should swap names. Is your cave near here?
Just to warn you, Sanna, kissing and foreplay don’t exist yet, so you're just gonna have to figure out some way to get your lady parts ready for this.
Oh, and I don't have a bed. Do you have those where you’re from? They’re really expensive here. I’m thinking of maybe buying a futon instead.
Hah hah, something about that golden muff of yours just makes me smile. I don't even know why...
Maybe this isn’t the time or place to mention it, but I’ve been seeing the blonde. We’re maybe gonna buy a condo. I want my engagement bone back.
Blonde bitch stole my man! Her hair is that color because of evil magic! She thinks brunettes are violent and stupid! Brothers and sisters, we must sacrifice her!
And fuck you, Tara! What kind of name is that for a caveman anyway? Sounds like a girl’s name! And I’m keeping my engagement bone. I earned this!
I think this crazy chick really intends to see us dead, Sanna. I should have broken up with her that time she tried to stab me in the groin with a sharpened wolf's femur. We better run.
Okay, you’re right—I owned a secret raft so I could enjoy a little discreet entertaining on the side. Sue me. It’s helping us get away, right? Anyway, since I met you I don’t need other women.
Why do I have this horrible feeling he’s telling me a lie men will use even 10,000 years from now?
But just Imogen the possibilities.
With the above, we’ve now given about as much exposure to a terrible film as can be excused. The photo shows British actress Imogen Hassall from When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, and the shot was made during that epic’s filming in the Canary Islands in 1969. Some may remember the movie premiering in late 1970 in England and 1971 elsewhere, but it languished in the studio vaults for a while. Actually, the entire shoot was a circus. Here’s co-star Victoria Vetri, speaking to journalist Joe Vannicola about filming the movie on Fuerteventura: “Two weeks after we were there the director left his wife. He was sleeping with the script supervisor. It was like you could have made a movie within a movie. Everybody was screwing around. People were skinny dipping, drinking sangria instead of tea at four in the afternoon, getting drunk [constantly], and it was like party time. Three or four in the morning they’d say, ‘You have to be up at six for a sunrise shoot? Let's stay up all night!’ [snip] Of course, having [me] around didn't help because I was the first one to drop a loincloth. And all the girls between shots were getting a tan. After a while it didn’t faze anybody. When you’re all sitting around half naked it doesn’t matter.” So the above photo may actually be the overdressed Hassall. We approve in any case.
Former Playboy centerfold gets nine years in prison for shooting her husband.
Actress and former Playboy model Victoria Vetri, aka Victoria Rathgeb, aka Angela Dorian pleaded no contest to attempted voluntary manslaughter earlier this week and was sentenced to nine years in prison. Last October Vetri was arrested after shooting her husband in the back, and since then has been in custody, unable to produce the million-plus dollars needed to make bail.
Vetri claims her husband, Bruce Rathgeb, precipitated the shooting by slapping her in the face. Rathgeb, of course, says no slap was involved and his wife is simply a verbally abusive lunatic who was constantly accusing him of cheating. Vetri could have gotten life in prison if convicted of attempted murder, the original charge, so being offered a chance to accept the lesser offense of attempted manslaughter represents a victory—though a Pyrrhic one, without doubt. We’ll close the door on Miss Vetri with a shot of her in 1967, when she was a young centerfold calling herself Angela Dorian and could never have imagined, we’re pretty sure, what life had in store for her.
Former model and actress Victoria Vetri shoots her husband.
1966 Playboy Playmate of the Year, former b-movie star and Pulp Intl. favorite Victoria Vetri, aka Angela Dorian, was arrested for attempted murder yesterday after shooting her husband Bruce Rathgeb in the chest. The husband survived, and Vetri/Dorian is free on bail. Details are still sketchy, but we’d say Vetri has a significant legal problem. We can hear it now:
Prosecutor: “Ms. Vetri, will you kindly look at exhibit C and tell the jury what you’re holding in your hands in the photo?”
Vetri: *mutters unintelligibly*
Prosecutor: “I’m sorry, can you speak up please? I don’t believe the jury heard you. I ask again Ms. Vetri, or is it Mrs. Rathgeb? Frankly, I’m not sure what to call you. What's in your hands in the photo?
Vetri: It’s a publicity photo. It isn’t re—
Prosecutor: If it pleases the Court, instruct the witness to answer the question.
Judge: Answer the question lady.
Vetri: “Um, it’s a prop spea—“
Prosecutor: “A SPEAR! Ladies and gentlemen of the jury! A spear! A! Spear! Used for stabbing, cutting, and inflicting grievous bodily harm. This is a woman who has used deadly weapons before, indeed, who is comfortable with such weapons in her hands. We submit that the defendant is a violent maniac who takes pleasure in killing. State rests.”
It’s called dancing, silly. It’s fun! I just invented it, and in the future women will judge men entirely by whether they’re willing to take lessons in it.
We found some film stills from the 1970 caveman epic When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, and thought they’d be a good share for today. The movie starred Magda Konopka, Victoria Vetri, Imogen Hassall, and a cast of loinclothed others, and even though it has worse science than what you’d find in a Kentucky creationism museum, we’ll buy the idea of prehistoric women in fur bikinis any day when they look like this group. More stills below. They all beg for captions, but we're short of time, so you'll have to write your own.
Scientists now believe the first push-up bra was invented in 5,000 B.C.
Creationism has made it clear that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. We’ve always concurred with this crackpot theory because we love the idea that the human struggle for survival was really an episode of The Flintstones. Today, thanks to this promo shot from When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth, we’ve learned that prehistoric times were not only slapstick fun, but sexy too. In fact, these tiny fur bikinis are probably the most Intelligent Designs ever. Now if we could just see Wilma in one our fantasies would be complete.
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
1973—Kidnappers Cut Off Getty's Ear
After holding Jean Paul Getty III for more than three months, kidnappers cut off his ear and mail it to a newspaper in Rome. Because of a postal strike it doesn't arrive until November 8. Along with the ear is a lock of hair and ransom note that says: "This is Paul’s ear. If we don’t get some money within 10 days, then the other ear will arrive. In other words, he will arrive in little bits." Getty's grandfather, billionaire oilman Jean Paul Getty, at first refused to pay the 3.2 million dollar ransom, then negotiated it down to 2.8 million, and finally agreed to pay as long as his grandson repaid the sum at 4% interest.
1947—HUAC Hearings Begin
The House Un-American Activities Committee begins its investigation into Communist infiltration of Hollywood, resulting in a witch hunt that destroys lives, ruins careers, and makes Senator Joseph McCarthy the most feared politician of the era.
1968—Jackie Kennedy Marries
Former First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy marries Greek shipping tycoon Aristotle Onassis. The marriage comes as a total surprise to the American public, and results in a terrible backlash against her and also makes her the number one target of paparazzi for years.
1989—Guildford Four Exonerated
The men known as the Guildford Four, who were imprisoned for a series of bombs attacks on British pubs that left five dead and 100 injured, are decreed not guilty after an investigation reveals that police colluded in doctoring statements that appeared to incriminate the defendants.
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