Five women meant to be sex playthings instead wreak bloody havoc on their oppressors. Duh.
This is the U.S. poster for the Hong Kong sexploitation action flick Yang chi, aka The Bod Squad, aka Virgins of the Seven Seas, which we talked about a while back. Shorter version: effort by men to forcibly create perfect sexual beings leads to violent bikini uprising. We have no idea why the bad guys didn't anticipate that result. We guess they never saw a ’70s sexploitation movie, in which case they'd know such movies often end with the men toes up. That's half the point of watching them. The Bod Squad premiered in the U.S. this month in 1976.
Everyone in class is expected to give an oral report.
The Japanese poster you see here, which is quite striking, was made to promote the West German sexploitation movie Schulmädchen-Report 5. Teil - Was Eltern wirklich wissen sollten. Quite a mouthful. In English it was known as Schoolgirl Report Part 5: What All Parents Should Know. Still a mouthful. There's a reason for that. These films, of which thirteen were made, are legendary—or maybe infamous is the appropriate word—for pioneering the idea of sexploitation flicks as documentaries. We've talked about a few of them, specifically numbers three, seven, and eleven. The tail end of the title for this one—What All Parents Should Know—gives the film a gloss of scholarship, as if scientific research went into its making. But it was a fig leaf. People watched these movies to see nudity and sex, not to educate themselves. And if anyone actually hoped for education, well, they were steered horribly wrong.
The movie consists of six vignettes. In the first, three high schoolers bet during a rural field trip that they can lay their straight arrow teacher. In the second, a man is seduced by his granddaughter and ends up on trial. And so it goes, from scenario to scenario, all of them strange. None of the performers involved, female or male, would win a beauty contest, but a few are appealing, such as Sonja Jeannine, who features on the poster, and Ingrid Steeger, who was a stalwart in sexploitation films and men's magazines. While a couple of the vignettes have serious undertones, they're mostly meant to be tongue-in-cheek. What is incredibly serious, though, is how far the envelope gets pushed thematically. Grandfather/granddaughter incest? That's not good at all. We can't recommend the film, but we love the poster. You won't see it anywhere else. Schulmädchen-Report 5 premiered in Sweden in 1973 and opened in Japan today in 1974.
Oh, come on, grandpa! I'm sure your heart will be just fine.
Heh heh, I have to admit, my dear—that get-up is a lot sexier than the bunny pajamas you used to wear.
I'm out of order? I'm out of order? Your Honor, are you kidding me? She's out of order!
There's no kung fu like topless kung fu.
These Italian posters were made for the sexploitation/kung fu flick Schiave nell'isola del piacere, originally released in Hong Kong as Yang chi, and known in English as The Bod Squad, or alternatively, Virgins of the Seven Seas. This is a Shaw Brothers production, and when a company makes forty films a year not all of them will be scintillating. What you have here are five western women, all allegedly virgins, who get kidnapped by Chinese pirates. They're to be sold for big bucks to a brothel, but only after some training in delightful and arcane sexual arts. The plan to remake these inexperienced white girls into perfect carnal receptacles goes pear-shaped when an unexpected ally also trains the women in martial arts, and the five end up fighting alongside downtrodden locals to help take down an organized crime cartel.
Some of the things the squad learn—both sexually and for combat—are pretty funny. Like when they're taught to spit olive pits at lethal velocity. Or when they get a lesson in Chinese sex techniques—knowledge which is of course derived from a crinkly old parchment. There's also quite a bit of slapstick humor. The entire point of the movie, however, is to show five women going through various contortions in their undies, and on that score the movie is a slam dunk. The five squad members, Sonja Jeannine, Diane Drube, Gillian Bray, Tamara Elliot, and Deborah Ralls, give the physical acting their all, and in the end confirm that toplessness—like red sunsets, fine wine, and good music—makes everything better. After premiering in Hong Kong today in 1974, Yang chi reached Italy sometime in 1975.
Seventh movie in famed sexploitation series has plenty to report.
After taking a little break you can be sure we'd return to posting by showing you something unusual, so above you see a beautiful Japanese poster for the West German sexploitation comedy Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein. It's a mouthful, we know. The title would translate as “schoolgirl report part 7 - but the heart must be there.” This word salad was changed for the film's English language release to merely Teenage Playmates. It was the seventh of thirteen films in the Schulmädchen-Report series and is generally regarded as one of the better entries—though having not seen all of them we can't corroborate that. Among its large cast are Elke Deuringer, Ulrike Butz, and Puppa Armbruster. The movie is also said by various websites, including IMDB, to feature Christina Lindberg, but she's not in it. It would be better if she were, but no such luck, and we aren't even sure how that rumor sprouted, except that the cast is uncredited and people have bad eyes.
Plotwise, when a bunch of high school aged brothel workers are arrested they tell a judge and court filled with scandalized spectators how they ended up in such circumstances. Thus the entire film is just a framework for sex vignettes. Our favorite quote: “Naturally I touched my breasts in the shower. Which are erogenous zones according to The Atlas of Sexual Education. My nipples got hard and my... my... my... how should I describe it? My pussy became aroused.” Movies like this fall into the could-not-be-made-today category, which is a good thing—though we should note that all the alleged high schoolers were actors in their twenties, some considerably so. Which will be obvious when you look at the promo images below. After premiering in West Germany in 1974 Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein reached Japan today in 1975.
Update 2020: The movie still doesn't have Christina Lindberg in it. She did not magically appear. We actually sent a note to IMDB about it with a link to Lindberg's correct Swedish Wikipedia filmography, and it went ignored. Not a good endorsement for internet accuracy, nor the responsiveness of crowd sourced sites. Fuck—I look at least twenty-five. I guess it's true what they say about this life aging you.
Oh, ah, the fact that some people mistake me for Christina Lindberg is a real turn on!
I'll leave the glasses on, if you don't mind. When this all comes out in court later I'll need to describe you accurately.
Mmm... fuzzy. I love you Mr. Zwetschgenkuchenbear.
The teen brothel is on the third floor. This floor sells designer handbags. Buy one for a woman and you'll get laid even faster than going to a hooker. You'll learn that later in life.
Who's in the mood for kochwurst? Kochwurst, everyone? Okay, kochwurst for all of us, please, waiter. Thanks.
The Atlas of Sexual Education says we're rounding second base. Next stop—deeply unfulfilling sex for pay.
Police! This is a raid! Girls—you're all under arrest! Men—all of you go home and revel in the fact that male privilege lets you off scot-free!
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
1934—Baby Face Nelson Killed
In the U.S., killer and bank robber Baby Face Nelson, aka Lester Joseph Gillis, dies in a shoot-out with the FBI in Barrington, Illinois. Nelson is shot nine times, but by walking directly into a barrage of gunfire manages to kill both of his FBI pursuers before dying himself.
1922—Egyptologists Enter Tut's Tomb
British Egyptologists Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon become the first people to enter the tomb of Pharaoh Tutankhamun in over 3000 years. Though sometimes characterized as scholars, Carter and Carnarvon were primarily interested in riches, and cut up Tut's mummy to more easily obtain the jewels and gold affixed to him.
1947—Hollywood Blacklist Instituted
The day after ten Hollywood writers and directors are cited for contempt of Congress for refusing to give testimony to the House Committee on Un-American Activities, the group, known as the "Hollywood Ten," are blacklisted by Hollywood movie studios.
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