Vintage Pulp Apr 5 2018
A NEW TEIL TO TELL
Seventh movie in famed sexploitation series has plenty to report.


After taking a little break you can be sure we'd return to posting by showing you something unusual, so above you see a beautiful Japanese poster for the West German sexploitation comedy Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein. It's a mouthful, we know. The title would translate as “schoolgirl report part 7 - but the heart must be there.” This word salad was changed for the film's English language release to merely Teenage Playmates. It was the seventh of thirteen films in the Schulmädchen-Report series and is generally regarded as one of the better entries—though having not seen all of them we can't corroborate that. Among its large cast are Elke Deuringer, Ulrike Butz, and Puppa Armbruster. The movie is also said by various websites, including IMDB, to feature Christina Lindberg, but she's not in it. It would be better if she were, but no such luck, and we aren't even sure how that rumor sprouted, except that the cast is uncredited and people have bad eyes.

Plotwise, when a bunch of high school aged brothel workers are arrested they tell a judge and court filled with scandalized spectators how they ended up in such circumstances. Thus the entire film is just a framework for sex vignettes. Our favorite quote: “Naturally I touched my breasts in the shower. Which are erogenous zones according to The Atlas of Sexual Education. My nipples got hard and my... my... my... how should I describe it? My pussy became aroused.” Movies like this fall into the could-not-be-made-today category, which is a good thing—though we should note that all the alleged high schoolers were actors in their twenties, some considerably so. Which will be obvious when you look at the promo images below. After premiering in West Germany in 1974 Schulmädchen-Report 7. Teil - Doch das Herz muß dabei sein reached Japan today in 1975.
 
Update 2020: The movie still doesn't have Christina Lindberg in it. She did not magically appear. We actually sent a note to IMDB about it with a link to Lindberg's correct Swedish Wikipedia filmography, and it went ignored. Not a good endorsement for internet accuracy, nor the responsiveness of crowd sourced sites.
Fuck—I look at least twenty-five. I guess it's true what they say about this life aging you.

Oh, ah, the fact that some people mistake me for Christina Lindberg is a real turn on!

I'll leave the glasses on, if you don't mind. When this all comes out in court later I'll need to describe you accurately.

Mmm... fuzzy. I love you Mr. Zwetschgenkuchenbear.

The teen brothel is on the third floor. This floor sells designer handbags. Buy one for a woman and you'll get laid even faster than going to a hooker. You'll learn that later in life.

Who's in the mood for kochwurst? Kochwurst, everyone? Okay, kochwurst for all of us, please, waiter. Thanks.

The Atlas of Sexual Education says we're rounding second base. Next stop—deeply unfulfilling sex for pay.

Police! This is a raid! Girls—you're all under arrest! Men—all of you go home and revel in the fact that male privilege lets you off scot-free!

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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
July 06
1962—William Faulkner Dies
American author William Faulkner, who wrote acclaimed novels such as Intruder in the Dust and The Sound and the Fury, dies of a heart attack in Wright's Sanitorium in Byhalia, Mississippi.
July 05
1942—Spy Novelist Graduates from Spy School
Ian Fleming, author of the James Bond novels, graduates from Camp X, a training school for spies located in Canada. The character of Bond has been said to have been based upon Camp X's Sir William Stephenson and what Fleming learned from him, though there are several other men who are also said to be the basis for Bond.
1989—Oliver North Avoids Prison
Colonel Oliver North, an aide to U.S. president Ronald Reagan, avoids jail during the sentencing phase of the Iran-Contra trials. North had been found guilty of falsifying and destroying documents, and obstructing Congress during their investigation of the massive drugs/arms/cash racket orchestrated by high-ranking members of the Reagan government.
July 04
1927—La Lollo Is Born
Gina Lollobrigida is born in Subiaco, Italy, and eventually becomes one of the world's most famous and desired actresses. Later she becomes a photojournalist, numbering among her subjects Salvador Dali, Paul Newman and Fidel Castro.
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