Aww, we can’t believe how big she’s gotten.
A naked woman in a baby crib? From our 2012 perspective we think the whole idea is a bit deviant, but in 1963 presumably this photo from Bruno Bernard, aka Bernard of Hollywood, was totally innocuous, right? No, we didn’t think so either. Nude photography runs the gamut. Sometimes it depicts women as strong or even domineering, but more often it suggests that the perfect woman is pliant and childlike, so to us at least, going the extra step and putting the model in a crib is just a bit too overt for good taste. But we were not even zygotes in 1963 so we’re not trying to judge. The photo is pretty, and that’s really all we can say. The week’s quips, with observations from poet Carl Sandburg and actor Vincent Price, are below.
Dec 8: “A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on.”—Carl Sandburg
Dec 9: “A lot of girls who can dish it out can’t cook it.”—Vincent Price
Dec 10: Behind every successful man there’s a woman nagging him he’s not so hot.
Dec 11: “Solo: A loud passage played by the orchestra leader’s brother-in-law.”—John Doremus
Dec 12: “Every time my mother-in-law comes to sleep at our house, I have breakfast in bed. I sleep in the kitchen.”—Bobby Ramsen
Dec 13: “The modern girl marries for keeps; she keeps on working and keeps house.”—Paul Fogarty
Dec 14: There’s no economy in going to bed early to save candles if the result is twins—Chinese Prov.
We’ve always preferred women who keep a little fur between their legs.
Because the end is near as regards the Goodtime Weekly Calendar (the last pages will come up in February) we’ve been looking high and low for another weekly calendar to post. We found only one. It was on Amazon, it was the calendar we already have, and it was priced at $75. Even though we scored ours for three bucks from the Denver Book Fair last time we were in the U.S., we probably shouldn’t have been surprised someone was trying to sell it for so much. Nearly every Goodtime Weekly photo we’ve posted, including shots of Brigitte Bardot and Jayne Mansfield, as well as work from photographers like Russ Meyer and Ron Vogel, have been images that have never appeared online before. The same is true of this week’s effort from Tom Kelley, who also shot the most famous Marilyn Monroe photo of all time. His model, whose identity is unknown to us, is rather provocatively posed. In fact the Pulp Intl. girlfriends said it was the most sexual pose of any of our calendar shots. She does look a bit as if she’s sitting on a Sybian. Maybe that’s why she has such a satisfied expression on her face.
Dec 1: “A woman is the only being that can skin a wolf and get a mink.”—Sam Cowling
Dec 2: “People who live in glass houses should dress in the dark.”—Freddie Flintstone.
Dec 3: “She isn’t really stupid, but the last time she went to a mind reader she didn’t have to pay.”—Jerry Lester
Dec 4: “A woman worried so much about growing old that she turned blonde overnight.”—Earl Wilson
Dec 5: “If a woman doesn’t get the one she wants to marry, heaven help the one she gets.”—Rose Franzblau
Dec 6: “When a gal marries a man to mend his ways, she usually finds out he isn’t worth a darn.”—John Doremus.
Dec 7: Girls who try to be walking encyclopedias may notice that reference books are never taken out.
How to be nude and fully clothed at the same time.
Above is a shot of Jayne Mansfield from Bernard Wagner showing the actress in a nude evening dress that covers her bits with a few stars and sparkles. We also love the Paris street-style matte painting behind her. Since we had both the name of the model and photographer, we were able to do an extensive search on the web and did not encounter this shot anywhere, which means we’re going to claim that this is the first time it’s appeared online. Always a proud moment. The weekly observations are below, and we’re guessing that the quip for November 27 has something to do with typesetting, but we couldn’t find any references to “Mansfield type” anywhere. Anyone have a clue on that? Drop us a line.
Nov 24: This is also true for a common cold: Sometimes the eyes have it and sometimes the nose.
Nov 25: Thanksgiving Day. Did you hear about a woman who sewed a zipper on her turkey?
Nov 26: “That’s true about Jayne Mansfield. She does use two dressing rooms.”—George Burns
Nov 27: Some places won’t hire Mansfield type anymore. The reason: They can’t get close enough to the machines.
Nov 28: “Many kids claim their dates are cheaper-ruined.”—Bob Banner
Nov 29: “Two hearts may beat as one but the mouths eat separately.”
Nov 30: “Most women don’t want you to kiss them. They just want you to want to.”—Jerry Lester
Update: Here's an e-mail we got from a reader named Lisa that may solve the mystery of the non-sensical quip.
This might be too old to care about, but the author thought that "Some places won’t hire Mansfield type anymore. The reason: They can’t get close enough to the machines" was a joke about typesetting. But it seems more likely that there's just a typo in the line. It should read "Some places won't hire Mansfield to type anymore." Then the second sentence makes sense.
Thank you, Lisa. It's amazing how long we can look at something and still simply not see things like that. That's why the extra eyes of readers are so important to us.
Update two: Here's Lisa again, with an even better take on this.
Well, I was basking in my typo-spotting glory on Facebook when a couple of friends pointed out that the joke is just as likely--maybe *more* likely--to be "some places won't hire Mansfield types anymore". Then the "they" in the second sentence is referring to "Mansfield types," which makes even more sense. And that's how vintage materials research is done, folks! Sorry to force a potential new update on you.
No worries, Lisa. We're flattered that anything we do would cause you to bask. What are you wearing right now? Never mind. Now that you've got us seeing the line in all its myriad possibilties, we might as well throw a third option—"Mansfield's type"—out there as well. That will certainly cover the gamut. Er, we think.
She’s having a hanging party and you’re the guest of honor.
Imagine our surprise. The Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 has offered up its first fully clothed model of the year. The bad news is she’s also wearing a wicked expression and holding a rope. The model is unknown to us, but since she was photographed by filmmaker Russ Meyer, it’s possible she appeared in one of his films and we simply don’t recognize her. Anyway, lovely shot, cool jeans, great hair, scary rope. As for this week’s observations, you have to marvel at the Goodtime guys’ self confidence in using original material. And really, why not? Who needs Shakespeare? Why quote Oscar Wilde? No sir. When you can come up with the word “nutwork” all by yourself, clearly classical wit and wisdom have been outshone. And that one about how a waitress catches more passes than a football player? Sub. Lime. More quips below, but shield your eyes. This is incandescent stuff.
Nov 17: “Hard cash makes life soft.”—Freddie Flintstone
Nov 18: “Some of the prettiest girls in television sell the dullest products.”—Mae Maloo
Nov 19: Now you know why TV stations called themselves nutwork.
Nov 20: “The hardest decision for a woman to make is when to start middle age.”—Warren Hull.
Nov 21: “Overheard: ‘If my boss thinks I’m going to work 35 hours a week, he’d better look for another girl.’”—Irv Kupcinet.
Nov 22: A waitress catches more passes than a football player.
Nov 23: One world: Where America has most of the world’s automobiles and Russia has the most parking space.
Update: All we have to do is ask. A reader identified the model for us, and even pointed us toward another image, which you see below. She is a British model named Iris Bristol, and besides posing awesomely for photos she had several uncredited roles in movies and television, including a blink-and-you-miss-it bit in My Fair Lady. Thanks to Jo B. for digging up that info.
Whatever it is that girl put a spell on me.
The editors of the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 have yanked themselves back from the brink. Last week their misogyny had reached an extent that made their ruminations unpublishable, but this week, suddenly, they’re back to normal—i.e. teasing but not mean-spirited. Where did the malice come from? We have no idea. Maybe some men are so used to retaining control over every aspect of their lives that the freaky power women have to make them lose their equilibrium spawns a simmering hostility. But sexual power is really the point of life, isn’t it? We act like we’re firmly anchored, but in reality we’re emotionally designed to slip our moorings the moment the right person happens along. That’s the fun of living. Lust, fear, risk, reward, failure, sex, heartbreak, love—all pieces of the same lovely puzzle. You gotta embrace it. Insults say nothing about the group we insult, and everything about us.
Well, at least Fernand Fonssagrives understood all this. He’s the creator of the image above, as well as one we uploaded in July. Way back in the 1930s his wife Lisa gave him a camera and he began shooting photos with her as his model. He eventually became the highest paid fashion photographer in New York City, while his wife became the world’s first supermodel. The model here is not Lisa Fonssagrives—she would have been in her fifties by then. There’s no model info in the Goodtime Calendar, so we’ll probably never know who posed for this shot. But she’s certainly a beauty. The session really sucked for the bear, though. The week’s observations are below.
Nov 10: “A penny for your thoughts is still about the right price.”—Bob Hope
Nov 11: “A dark corner is where some men get bright ideas.”—Freddie Flintstone
Nov 12: Gossip: What no one claims to like but everyone enjoys.
Nov 13: Women’s intuition is the ability to read between men’s lyings.
Nov 14: “Woman’s dearest delight is to wound man’s self-conceit, though man’s dearest delight is to gratify hers.”—George Bernard Shaw
Nov 15: “Love is blind, and lovers cannot see the pretty follies that themselves commit.”—William Shakespeare
Nov 16: “A friend of mine always buys from relatives: He says, ‘It’s cheaper by the cousins.’”—Paul Fogarty
We’re beginning to think the editors of the Goodtime Weekly Calendar had serious issues.
The men who put together the Goodtime Weekly Calendar must have suffered from seasonal affective disorder. The pithy little sayings that populate their 1963 calendar were cute during the summer, but as autumn has arrived they’ve become, well, unconscionable. Actually, to be fair, one of this week’s is a bit amusing: “If you’re not sure what it is, it’s safe to call it a woman’s hat.” That’s funny, considering the fashions of 1963. But the other quips are just abusive, and we won’t be sharing them. Self-censorship. We’ve talked about it. Said we wouldn’t do it. Oh well, it happens to best of us. But it’s not necessarily permanent. Let’s see if the Goodtime Weekly boys snap out of their funk next week.
Not sure what type of tree this is exactly, but let’s head over to the plant nursery and pick up a few.
Above is a very interesting shot for the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 featuring a blonde in a tree stump. Very strange, which is perhaps why the photo is credited to anonymous. Kudos to the brave model. As far as the Goodtime Weekly quips go, they’ve been mostly ho-hum up to this point. A few have been mean spirited, or disrespectful, or just plain incoherent, but because acceptable humor changes over time, we chalked those up to the social mores of the early 1960s. This week, though, the Goodtime boys go careening off the rails with a Halloween quip that refers to beating women and dogs. The lyrical wording hints at an ancient provenance, but old or not, when Goodtime Weekly reprinted it without irony or apology, they took ownership of it, as far as we’re concerned. We’re always restrained here about judging previous generations by today’s standards, if no for other reason than to hopefully receive the same benefit of the doubt thirty or forty years from now when young people look at the things we’ve done. But there are exceptions. Joking about beating women is fucked up, and it was fucked up in 1963. Of that, we are pretty sure. Anyway, we don’t want to get too high and mighty about it, so that’s all we’ll say about it except that we hope for better from here onward.
Oct 27: “Many a bachelor longs for a wife who will take care of him—and so does many a husband.”—Frances Rodman
Oct 28: “A lucky man had a wife and a cigarette lighter—they both worked.”—Milt Newton
Oct 29: With Italian hairdos and French looks on American women, now everyone has a foreign affair of his own.
Oct 30: Never a lip that can’t be kissed into smiles.
Oct 31: A woman, a dog, and a walnut tree, the more you beat ’em, the better they be.
Nov 1: Romance: a sport in which the animal that gets caught has to buy the license.
Nov 2: Never run after a bus or a woman. There’ll always be another one along in a minute.”—Sam Cowling
Chestnuts roasting by an open fire.
After a few weeks of uncharacteristically normal models, the guys from Goodtime Weekly get back to business as usual with a photo from Ron Vogel and model who is—there’s no other phrase—enormously endowed. Autumn is here, after all, so perhaps she symbolizes the stockpiling of food for winter, the horn of plenty filled with inexhaustible gifts, the warmth sought on cold nights. Or maybe they just liked big boobs. Anyway, we said last week we’d try a few of the Goodtime quips in the real world, and, “Ahhh!” Ahhh haaah!” was usually the reaction. Or, “That’s, um—where did you hear that?” But a few went over well. So experiment inconclusive. We’ll continue testing during the next couple of weeks, because the American expat clique has a few Halloween related social gatherings coming up. When we’re done with this experiment we will know definitively whether Goodtime Weekly humor is timeless, or should simply be forgotten.
Oct 20: “Mother-in-law: A woman who arranged a match for her daughter and then intends to referee as well.”—Pat Buttram
Oct 21: “Bar bells are sometimes easier to pick up than bar bills.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 22: “The wife of an archaeologist says, ‘The older I get the better I look to my husband.’”—Phyllis Diller
Oct 23: “A bore is a person who talks when you wish him to listen.”—Ambrose Bierce
Oct 24: Cars are not the only things that can hit and run a man down; gossipers have done worse.
Oct 25: “A perfect husband is one who can understand every word his wife isn’t saying.”—Sig Sakowicz
Oct 26: “Some wives cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go,”—Freddie Flintstone
When she says jump you ask how high.
Some call it cheesecake, glamour, or even smut, but we prefer to call it preserving the ephemera of history. For instance, this image by the renowned mid-century photographer Bruno Bernard, aka Bernard of Hollywood, did not exist on the internet a moment ago. And now it does. See how that works? So think of us as archivists, and yourselves as researchers. That probably won’t help if someone sees you looking at this image, but hey, it’s worth a try.
Of late, when reading the Goodtime Weekly quips, we’ve been imagining them delivered as part of a stand-up show—i.e., followed by uproarious laughter. That actually helps a bit. When we obey the two drink minimum that helps even more. Next we’re going to steal a few of these lines and try them out in the real world. After all, the true test of a quip is whether actual living and breathing, flesh and blood humans laugh at it. So we’re going to give some of these a trial run and get back to you. Stay tuned.
Oct 13: Mother Nature still blushes before disrobing.
Oct 14: “Sometimes a man pulls the wool over his wife’s eyes with the wrong yarn.”—Mitch Miller
Oct 15: “Have you heard of an elephant that went on a diet? Now he’s eating like a horse.”—Peggie Castle
Oct 16: “The ten best years of a woman’s life are between her 25th and 26th birthday.”—Jerry Lester
Oct 17: “Overheard at a restaurant: ‘She promised to love, honor, and obey. Now I’d settle for only one.’”—Irv Kupcinet
Oct 18: “Every husband knows the best time to wash the dishes is right after his wife tells him.”—Paul Gibson
Oct 19: “Husbands are like furnaces. You have to watch them or they’ll go out.”—Sam Cowling
Guess nobody told her using cosmetics sparingly gives the best results.
Russ Meyer is back with another shot for the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, and there are immediately two points of interest here. First, Meyer found a model he liked that didn’t have double-d boobs, which is very equal opportunity of him, considering his track record. Second, the model went nuts around the eyes with her makeup. Words of advice—you know you’ve drawn a little too much arch in your eyebrows if random people keep looking at you and saying, “I’m sorry, did you just ask me something?”
Oct 6: The blue sky and golden leaves are really beautiful—even the wind whistles at them.
Oct 7: “Domestic harmony is music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.”—Freddie Flintstone
Oct 8: “I have my wife well trained; she never opens my letters—unless they’re marked ‘personal’.”—Jack Herbert
Oct 9: An expensive wife is like a commanding officer at war. Whatever store she is in, she yells, “Charge!”
Oct 10: Yawning is a device of nature to enable husbands to open their mouths.
Oct 11: “All domestic trouble stems from two things—women and their mothers.”—Sam Cowling
Oct 12: “Today we honor Christopher Columbus—only in America could it happen!”
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