Ready, aim, when the concession manager bends over we all nail him in the ass.
Today in 1955 the soon-to-be global tourist attraction Disneyland debuted to 28,000 invited guests, media, and assorted celebrities on hand to lend a bit of glitz to the kitsch. Stars who were present included Eddie Fisher, who hosted the festivities, Debbie Reynolds, Danny Thomas, Ozzie and Harriet Nelson, Art Linkletter, Irene Dunne, Jeff Chandler, Eve Arden, Marilyn Maxwell, George Gobel, Margaret Whiting, Gale Storm, Charlton Heston, and many more. The above photo shows, left to right, Adelle August, Steve Rowland, and Kathleen Case enjoying the air rifle attraction, and Case in particular must have been a hell of a shot, firing away from the hard-to-master seated position. No word on whether any of the trio won a prize, but we doubt it. On the other hand, considering the congestion and the mess 28,000 people can make maybe the prize was being allowed to the front of every line and having a celebrity potty watched over by a furry mascot wielding a mop and bucket. We aren't sure how long Case and Co. hung around—it was 101 degrees Fahrenheit that day and the water fountains weren't functioning—but it looks like they went above and beyond the call of publicity. If we had to guess, though, we'd say they left immediately after Case felt the monkey's warm anus on her bare shoulder.
Modern bikini science proves no match for millions of years of female evolution.
The Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963 offers up a shot for the end of July of famed glamour model June Wilkinson, who seems ready to fall out of her bikini. A couple of the week’s quips touch on the subject of that garment as well, and the interest is understandable. Bikinis had been introduced in their modern form seventeen years earlier in Europe, but it took Brigitte Bardot to make them widely known with her 1950s film appearances, Ursula Andress to truly bring them into the American mainstream with her debut in 1962’s Dr. No, and apparently Russ Meyer—the photographer behind this shot—to test their tensile limits by wrapping one around a woman who was known as "The Bosom." Of course, Meyer being Meyer, if the bikini did actually manage to hold together, you can bet he simply put it on increasingly larger models until—snap!—Houston, we seem to be experiencing structural failure, please advise. Who said science can’t be fun?
July 28: Sometimes the less you give the more you’ll see of her. Such is the case with a bikini.
July 29: No sickness makes a man sicker than to be sick during his vacation.
July 30: A headwaiter’s tip to a blonde waitress: “Take good care of the guy. He tips at toll bridges.”
July 31: “A Las Vegas dancer is a walking telephone switchboard. When she works all her lines are busy.”—Jerry Vale
August 1: Sign on a display of bikinis: “If nothing else succeeds, try next to nothing.”
August 2: “When a girl’s youth has been well spent she starts to look around for another.”—Joe Hamilton
August 3: “My uncle takes a drink now and then, just to steady himself. Sometimes he gets so steady he can’t move.”—George Gobel
Exactly what type of bait did you use to land this one?
Time will tend to fade printed matter. While that hasn’t been a problem with other pages of the Goodtime Weekly Calendar of 1963, we seem to recall that we found it with this particular page facing up, which means a few subtleties of the image have been lost to forty-nine years of light, dust, and humidity. We aren’t sure exactly what the model is perched upon here. A piece of modern art? Playground equipment? The image is by Burton McNeely, who is semi-famous these days as a photographer of fish. Sounds like a real downgrade in terms of subject matter, but hey, whatever works. No matter what fish photography pays, we suspect he fondly remembers his early days photographing a completely different and more beautiful type of creature. This week’s quotations, which we have below, continue to dwell on marriage. Okay, Goodtime guys, we get it—you think it sucks. After four straight weeks, we've gotten the message. Can we move on now?
June 23: In the wedding “We” comes before “I.”
June 24: “The right man can change a cute little dish into a cute little dishwasher.”—Earl Wilson
June 25: The ones that can separate the men from the boys are women.
June 26: Once you carry the bride over the threshold, she’ll put her foot down.
June 27: “I run my house like a ship. I’m the captain. It’s just my luck to have married an admiral.”—George Gobel
June 28: Marriage vows might be a trifle more accurate if changed to read, “Until DEBT do us part.”
June 29: It always pleases a married woman to discover that another man wishes she were not.
Update: Apparently, the calendar girl is sitting on the end of a boat. How could we not have seen that? It's like one of those negative space drawings where you look and go, "It's two faces in profile. No, it's a vase. No, really, it's two faces in profile." Well, we defnitely see now. It's a boat. Probably would have helped if we'd looked less at the naked girl. Thanks for spotting that D.A.
The Good Times just keep on coming.
Another Saturday, another installment from the Good Time Weekly Calendar of 1963. The model above resisted all attempts at identification, and the photographer is listed as anonymous, but fret not—the daily quotations are faithfully transcribed below. This time, women are the targets of the assorted quipsters. We know this type of humor was considered good fun back then, but really, isn't it a little twisted to bash women while looking at their naked bodies for sexual gratification? Just asking. Still no clue on the He-who Who-he reference, by the way. Anyone with info please feel free to drop us a line.
March 24: “In most of our Hollywood beauty shops the gossip alone would curl your hair.”—Pat Buttram
March 25: “One picture is worth 10,000 words—but for some reason most women prefer to use 10,000 words.”—George Gobel
March 26: No one can tell her anything—she’s got sound proof ears.
March 27: “In many conversations a man can’t break in because a woman won’t break off.”’—Telly Savalas
March 28: You never know how much the voice can change till a woman stops yelling and answers the phone.
March 29: “A woman doesn’t tell the truth all the time—there just isn’t that much truth.”—He-who Who-he
March 30: “The best way to tie a woman down is with a telephone cord.”—Paul Gibson.
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
1995—Mickey Mantle Dies
New York Yankees outfielder Mickey Mantle dies of complications from cancer, after receiving a liver transplant. He was one of the greatest baseball players ever, but he was also an alcoholic and played drunk, hungover, and unprepared. He once said about himself, "Sometimes I think if I had the same body and the same natural ability and someone else's brain, who knows how good a player I might have been."
1943—Philadelphia Experiment Allegedly Takes Place
The U.S. government is believed by some to have attempted to create a cloak of invisibility around the Navy ship USS Eldridge. The top secret event is known as the Philadelphia Experiment and, according to believers, ultimately leads to the accidental teleportation of an entire vessel.
1953—Soviets Detonate Deliverable Nuke
The Soviet Union detonates
a nuclear weapon codenamed Reaktivnyi Dvigatel Stalina, aka Stalin's Jet Engine. In the U.S. the bomb is codenamed Joe 4. It is a small yield fission bomb rather than a multi-stage fusion weapon, but it makes up for its relative weakness by being fully deployable, meaning it can be dropped from a bomber.
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