Politique Diabolique Sep 9 2014
NEVER LET EM SEE YOU SWEAT
It’s better to look good than to feel good.

When in doubt, grin idiotically. That’s the mantra in American politics, and that’s why we were completely unsurprised when Texas governor Rick Perry’s mugshot showed him smiling like he’d just learned a dirty secret. For the most part, we think that if a person under arrest were guilty he’d be distressed he got caught, thus not smiling, and if he were innocent he’d be even more distressed to have been railroaded, thus doubly not smiling. But Perry certainly wasn’t the first politician to pull the I’m-smiling-because-I’ve-got-nothing-to-worry-about routine, which is why his photo inspired us to locate more examples. Below we have a small rogues gallery of cheerful mugshots. Charges cover a range—campaign finance violations, criminal trespass, drunk driving, drug charges, and nobody here has served prison time. Hmm, do you think they knew all along they never would? Maybe that’s the dirty secret. 

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Mondo Bizarro Aug 17 2009
VISITATION LIGHTS
Declassified UFO dox show no evidence aliens have visited Earth, despite many sightings by public.

The British National Archives today released a stack of Ministry of Defence documents detailing more than 800 UFO sightings in Britain between 1993 and 1996, including one incident in which floating lights were seen by 70 police and military witnesses. We said it before: technologically advanced aliens would be undetectable. If any have visited our planet, we wouldn’t know about it. Our primitive human-made satellites can read license plates from space, so we suspect aliens have devices so sensitive they wouldn't need to come anywhere near Earth to observe us. Moreover, even if they physically visited the planet for purposes of, say, abducting and anally probing us real hard, we wouldn’t necessarily recognize an alien craft as such. But one thing we do have a clue about is the aliens’ intent. If they exist, they’re hostile. We know because if they were benevolent they’d abduct Rush Limbaugh. Doubtless his sheer bulk poses technological challenges in terms of levitating him to the mothership, but we’d be willing to push from this end if it helped.

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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
December 04
1918—Wilson Goes to Europe
U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sails to Europe for the World War I peace talks in Versailles, France, becoming the first U.S. president to travel to Europe while in office.
1921—Arbuckle Manslaughter Trial Ends
In the U.S., a manslaughter trial against actor/director Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle ends with the jury deadlocked as to whether he had killed aspiring actress Virginia Rappe during rape and sodomy. Arbuckle was finally cleared of all wrongdoing after two more trials, but the scandal ruined his career and personal life.
December 03
1964—Mass Student Arrests in U.S.
In California, Police arrest over 800 students at the University of California, Berkeley, following their takeover and sit-in at the administration building in protest at the UC Regents' decision to forbid protests on university property.
1968—U.S. Unemployment Hits Low
Unemployment figures are released revealing that the U.S. unemployment rate has fallen to 3.3 percent, the lowest rate for almost fifteen years. Going forward all the way to the current day, the figure never reaches this low level again.
December 02
1954—Joseph McCarthy Disciplined by Senate
In the United States, after standing idly by during years of communist witch hunts in Hollywood and beyond, the U.S. Senate votes 65 to 22 to condemn Joseph McCarthy for conduct bringing the Senate into dishonor and disrepute. The vote ruined McCarthy's career.
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