|The Naked City||Nov 11 2009|
Haven’t had a mugshot on the site for a while, so here’s a doozy from astronaut/stalker Lisa Nowak, who was sentenced yesterday to a year’s probation for burglary and misdemeanor battery. Nowak, 46, a mission specialist on the space shuttle Discovery in July 2006, ambushed and pepper-sprayed a woman who was dating a space shuttle pilot for whom Nowak had the hots. When arrested, Nowak had in her possession a steel mallet, a knife, rubber tubing, and several large garbage bags, all of which police suspected she planned to put to sinister use. We disagree. We suspect she was going to put them to awesome use. Wait—that came out wrong. We’re 100% glad Nowak’s intended victim survived. That’s a given. Goes without saying. Obviously. But there’s also a teeeeeny pulp-influenced part of us that’s curious what sort of mischief a NASA specialist had in mind with those items. On our smartest day we could, like, maybe improvise a hickory smoker with that stuff. But a NASA specialist? The possibilities are endless. Guess we’ll never know unless she left behind diagrams like da Vinci, another homicidal scientist. Yeah, we know—you haven’t heard about his many killings. Read a book people.