Mondo Bizarro Sep 15 2011
ME SO HORNY
Booking photo of man with facial adornments goes viral, defense attorney resorts to prayer.
We’ve always featured mugshots on Pulp Intl., but due to the nature of the site we prefer those of the celebrity variety. But Caius Veiovis, who you see above, qualifies by virtue of the fact that his arrest photo has gone fully viral, metastasizing throughout the internet in just two days on thousands of sites in dozens of countries. Veiovis was arrested in Massachusetts along with two accomplices for the murder of three men who were slated to testify at the criminal trial of a local Hells Angel. Veiovis has pleaded not guilty to the charges, and his lawyer must be on his knees in a church right now praying there are no eyewitnesses, because the cross examination would be a bitch:
 
Defense: “And how can you be so sure it was my client you saw running from the scene covered in blood and screaming exhortations to the Prince of Darkness?”
 
Witness: “Well, there’s the horns, and the 666 on his forehead, and, you know, those spiky—”
 
Defense: “So it’s safe to say you were focused on these adornments? So focused in fact, that you never really saw my client’s face, isn’t that correct?”
 
Witness: “Isn’t the forehead part of the face?”
 
Defense: “Is it? Then why isn’t it called the foreface, smart guy?”
 
Prosecution: “Objection! Badgering the witness.”
 
Judge: “I’ll allow it.”

Defense: “Ladies and gentlemen, my client’s adornments are no different than a hat and pair of sunglasses, accoutrements any of a thousand other men could easily wear, and probably do. In fact, I even have a couple of horns I wear sometimes. I got them when I passed the Bar Exam. Your Honor, move to dismiss.”     

 
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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
May 09
1949—Rainier Becomes Prince of Monaco
In Monaco, upon upon the death of Prince Louis II, twenty-six year old Rainier Louis Henri Maxence Bertrand Grimaldi, aka Rainier III, is crowned Prince of Monaco. Rainier later becomes an international household name by marrying American cinema sweetheart Grace Kelly in 1956.
1950—Dianetics is Published
After having told a gathering of science fiction writers two years earlier that the best way to become a millionaire was to start a new religion, American author L. Ron Hubbard publishes Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health. The book is today one of the canonical texts of Scientology, referred to as "Book One", and its publication date serves as the first day of the Scientology calendar, making today the beginning of year 52 AD (After Dianetics).
May 08
1985—Theodore Sturgeon Dies
American science fiction and pulp writer Theodore Sturgeon, who pioneered a technique known as rhythmic prose, in which his text would drop into a standard poetic meter, dies from lung fibrosis, which may have been caused by his smoking, but also might have been caused by his exposure to asbestos during his years as a Merchant Marine.
May 07
1945—World War II Ends
At Reims, France, German General Alfred Jodl signs unconditional surrender terms, thus ending Germany's participation in World War II. Jodl is then arrested and transferred to the German POW camp Flensburg, and later he is made to stand before the International Military Tribunal at the Nuremberg Trials. At the conclusion of the trial, Jodl is sentenced to death and hanged as a war criminal.
1954—French Are Defeated at Dien Bien Phu
In Vietnam, the Battle of Dien Bien Phu, which had begun two months earlier, ends in a French defeat. The United States, as per the Mutual Defense Assistance Act, gave material aid to the French, but were only minimally involved in the actual battle. By 1961, however, American troops would begin arriving in droves, and within several years the U.S. would be fully embroiled in war.
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