|Femmes Fatales||Aug 4 2009|
William Hurt’s brain: Wow, this chick is frickin’ gorgeous. That hair-lifting/neck-rubbing thing she’s doing is crazy sexy.
William Hurt’s penis: Really? Let me have a look.
William Hurt’s brain: (tells arms to cover crotch with suit jacket) Don’t get too excited, P. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to frame us for murder.
William Hurt’s penis: And?
William Hurt’s brain: And we could go to prison forever.
William Hurt’s penis: We’ll worry about that later. Is she still doing the neck thing? Just imagine what her lips feel like. I bet she has a really soft tongue too. What size are her breasts? Hey, try to get a peek at her ass, wouldja? Just point at something and see if she turns around.
William Hurt’s brain: I’m feeling a little faint, P.
William Hurt’s penis: That’s because I’m borrowing some of the blood you use to function. Don’t worry about it. I’ll give it back later.
William Hurt’s brain: What were we just talking about? Man, I’m kind of dizzy.
William Hurt’s penis: You want me to drive for a bit? I don’t mind.
William Hurt’s brain: Would you? That would be really cool. I need to just… shut it down for a while.
William Hurt’s penis: Gotcha covered, buddy. Next stop, the promised land. Just move the jacket before you go, ’kay? Thanks.
|Modern Pulp||Jul 26 2009|
Based on the poster, you’d think Kiss of the Spider Woman is about a femme fatale beguiling men in some romantic and faraway land. Close—it’s about two guys rotting away in a prison cell in some unnamed Latin American dictatorship. One of them—played by William Hurt in an Oscar-winning role—passes the time by telling his cellmate stories about an old Nazi propaganda film he once saw. And so in the form of his nostalgic narrative what we get is a film within a film and that’s where most of the romantic stuff comes in. Based on a novel by Manuel Puig, Spider Woman managed the rare showbiz trifecta of being produced as a play, a Hollywood film, and a Broadway musical. The movie is excellent, and quite dark, but we won’t recommend it because it isn’t really pulp. The poster on the other hand, with a lovely depiction of a character Sonia Braga plays in the film within a film, just kills. Kiss of the Spider Woman opened today in the U.S. in 1985.
|Modern Pulp||Dec 25 2008|
Not exactly your run-of-the-mill X-mas flick, Altered States was a mindbending journey through inner space. William Hurt was electrifying and utterly believable as a brilliant genetic researcher who thinks God can be found inside human genes. He uses hallucinogenic drugs combined with sensory deprivation to tunnel into his own DNA. Problem is, when he comes out something comes with him. This all time sci-fi/horror classic, which is also one of the most profound love stories ever set to celluloid, is refreshing in its basic assumption that its audience was intelligent enough to get it. They not only got it—they bought it.