Mondo Bizarro Aug 29 2012
SASQUASHED
Man in military camo suit dies pulling juvenile prank.

In northwestern Montana a night ago, a forty-four-year old man was run over while trying to stage a Bigfoot sighting. He had donned a Ghillie suit—a military camouflage outfit resembling foliage but which could be mistaken for coarse fur—and was standing either on the shoulder or in a traffic lane of State Highway 93. Instead of being seen and mistaken for a sasquatch, he went unseen and was just plain squashed when hit and run over by first one car, then, for good measure, another. Needless to say, the man, whose name was Randy Lee Tenley, died on the scene. Tragic, unfortunate, family is in our prayers and so forth, but let’s not even pretend this isn’t funny. Even the most moral among us (our girlfriends) have to smile morbidly at this. Picture this poor guy lurking by the highway, probably giggling inside his Ghillie suit, feeling quite clever and doubtless picturing the next day’s headlines—which you can be sure he did not think would read “local idiot fatally flattened.” We know, we know—tragic, unfortunate, family is in our prayers and so forth. You know what the worst part is, though? Not only did the guy die in brutal fashion, but his death was completely in vain—no Bigfoot sightings were called in that night.

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Hollywoodland | Sex Files Aug 6 2010
FISH OUT OF WATER
Laurence Fishburne’s daughter makes the leap into porn.

As you may know, Laurence Fishburne’s daughter Montana is releasing a porn movie in hopes that it will make her famous. Inspired by Kim Kardashian, who earned her celebrity via an accidentally (?) leaked sex tape, Montana Fishburne seems to be hoping for a career in reality television. We weren’t going to comment on this story, but someone sent us a link that we foolishly followed down the rabbit hole, and since we can’t unsee what was there, we’re going to dump it on you.

In short, we have to come down on Montana’s side: she could spend the next twenty years developing the chops to be a character actress, or an artist, or a novelist, but if she wants to be a celebrity now porn is a surefire method. Since Morpheus, er, we mean Montana, understands that she probably can’t be a real Hollywood star without looking like Zoe Saldana and weighing 100 pounds, she boldly took a step that has made her known to tens of millions of people who had never heard of her just days ago. So she’s already pretty much proved her point, wouldn’t you say? Will she achieve her goal of Kardashian-like fame? Who can say? Is it a sign of cultural decay that people get famous this way? People have always gotten famous this way, as anyone who follows this site knows.

Personally, we could easily picture Fishburne in Pam Grier type roles, karate-chopping men in throat, starting with all the assholes calling her evil names in internet comment chains. In any case, you’ll find no phony morality here. We simply play our role as a cog in the machine. Montana Fishburne, with pure post-millennial pragmatism, had decided porn is her route to fame, and since we always post these kinds of photos, today is no exception. The imagery is courtesy of her partners at Vivid Video. Our work is done.

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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
April 16
1943—First LSD Trip Takes Place
Swiss scientist Albert Hofmann, while working at Sandoz Laboratories in Basel, accidentally absorbs lysergic acid diethylamide, better known as LSD, and thus discovers its psychedelic properties. He had first synthesized the substance five years earlier but hadn't been aware of its effects. He goes on to write scores of articles and books about his creation.
April 15
1912—The Titanic Sinks
Two and a half hours after striking an iceberg in the North Atlantic Ocean on its maiden voyage, the British passenger liner RMS Titanic sinks, dragging 1,517 people to their deaths. The number of dead amount to more than fifty percent of the passengers, due mainly to the fact the liner was not equipped with enough lifeboats.
1947—Robinson Breaks Color Line
African-American baseball player Jackie Robinson officially breaks Major League Baseball's color line when he debuts for the Brooklyn Dodgers. Several dark skinned men had played professional baseball around the beginning of the twentieth century, but Robinson was the first to overcome the official segregation policy called—ironically, in retrospect—the "gentleman's agreement".
April 14
1935—Dust Storm Strikes U.S.
Exacerbated by a long drought combined with poor soil conservation techniques that caused excessive soil erosion on farmlands, a huge dust storm known as Black Sunday rages across Texas, Oklahoma, and several other states, literally turning day to night and redistributing an estimated 300,000 tons of topsoil.

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