You know by now that yesterday in the U.S., crooked fund manager Bernie Madoff was handcuffed and led away to jail after pleading guilty to all counts against him. By declining to take the normal route of a plea deal with prosecutors, he sidestepped the requirement to divulge information about his accomplices and the disposition of the stolen money. Financial observers agree that Madoff could not have run his Ponzi scheme without help, and they certainly agree that the money didn’t just disappear.

The New York cover pictured here labels elderly Madoff a monster, as if he’s some atrocity never before seen by human eyes. While he may be the biggest swindler of all time, and he certainly isn't Kevin Bacon's favorite person, he’s not new. No, he’s just the latest in a long line of elegant grifters, though a particularly efficient one. What makes Madoff truly pulp is that he took the hit for his financial clan like a good mafia footsoldier, and though he’ll never get out of jail, neither will he—let’s face it—do time in Attica’s supermax wing with the child rapers and guys who ate their grandmothers’ kidneys. It’s easy to imagine Madoff is smiling inside just a little. Does that sound strange, and perhaps cynical? Yeah, it does until you think about it.

Consider for a moment how, in this post-millennial reality, we’ve become so jaded regarding the term “billions”. Not too many years ago you rarely heard that word uttered aloud by anyone other than an astronomer. So to put this Madoff thing in perspective, let’s just pretend the word doesn’t exist. Thus restrained, we now have to refer to him as a guy who stole—not one million, not fifty million—but 999 million dollars 60 times, and walked into jail without divulging where any of it went. Still think he isn’t smiling just a little? 

Yesterday in the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission accused investment banker and cricket mogul Allen Stanford of operating a multi-billion dollar banking swindle. Stanford is a native of Texas, but relocated years ago to the Caribbean, where he built a cricket empire on the island of Antigua that includes an international tournament and a cricket stadium. While the SEC was busy this morning officially filing charges in federal court, depositors made runs on Stanford-owned banks in Antigua, Panama and Venezuela. Also today, the Times UK reported that Stanford had lost money to swindler extraordinaire Bernie Madoff and lied to cover it up. The flamboyant Stanford, who last year was caught on television during a match pulling one cricket player’s wife into his lap and flirting with others, has not been seen in public.

Kevin Bacon and Kyra Sedgwick reportedly are the latest Tinseltowners taken in by Ponzi-schemer extraordinaire Bernie Madoff. We haven’t touched on the Madoff story here at Pulp Intl. because you can get the info from virtually any paper or website in the world. But when we heard the scandal had snared Kevin Bacon, we went, “Oh, hell no.”

No reports yet how much money the couple lost, but they can take solace from the fact that even luminaries like Steven Spielberg and Jeffrey Katzenberg were fooled by Madoff. In the meantime, we have a feeling financial need might bring that rumored Footloose sequel a little closer to fruition.

Now, on another note, Pulp Intl. would like to present a challenge: Read up on the mechanics of a Ponzi scheme and please inform us how it’s different from the U.S. Federal Reserve. Because try as we might, the only distinction we can see is that when the Fed doesn’t have enough money, it prints more. We’re just saying, that’s all.