|Vintage Pulp||Jul 15 2010|
Subjects in Mirror are stranger than they appear.
We’ve heard of the hooker with a heart of gold, but this header on the National Mirror from today in 1969 is the first time we’ve heard of a priest with the heart of a prostitute. The priesthood has really taken a beating in the last few years, so we don’t need to offer up any cheap jokes about how a prostie’s heart might be considered an upgrade. Instead, let’s just imagine how much more fun confession would be.
Sinner: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”
Priest: “Well I knew that. Why else would you be here?”
Sinner: “Um, well anyway, last week after work I—”
Priest: “Slow down there, soldier—around here, it’s pay before you play.”
Sinner: “Er, excuse me?”
Priest: “Sweetie, you must tithe before we writhe. Am I being clear?”
Sinner: “Um… all I have is five dollars.”
Priest: “Oh, hell no. You know what you get for five dollars?”
Priest: “Last rites.”
Sinner: “But I don’t need last rites.”
Priest: “You will after my business manager Bobo gets done with you.”