Vintage Pulp Jul 15 2010
THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS
Subjects in Mirror are stranger than they appear.
We’ve heard of the hooker with a heart of gold, but this header on the National Mirror from today in 1969 is the first time we’ve heard of a priest with the heart of a prostitute. The priesthood has really taken a beating in the last few years, so we don’t need to offer up any cheap jokes about how a prostie’s heart might be considered an upgrade. Instead, let’s just imagine how much more fun confession would be.

Sinner: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned.”
Priest: “Well I knew that. Why else would you be here?”
Sinner: “Um, well anyway, last week after work I—”
Priest: “Slow down there, soldier—around here, it’s pay before you play.”
Sinner: “Er, excuse me?”
Priest: “Sweetie, you must tithe before we writhe. Am I being clear?”
Sinner: “Um… all I have is five dollars.”
Priest: “Oh, hell no. You know what you get for five dollars?”
Sinner: “No.”
Priest: “Last rites.”
Sinner: “But I don’t need last rites.”
Priest: “You will after my business manager Bobo gets done with you.”
 
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History Rewind
The headlines that mattered yesteryear.
December 09
1965—UFO Reported by Thousands of Witnesses
A large, brilliant fireball is seen by thousands in at least six U.S. states and Ontario, Canada as it streaks across the sky, reportedly dropping hot metal debris, starting grass fires, and causing sonic booms. It is generally assumed and reported by the press to be a meteor, however some witnesses claim to have approached the fallen object and seen an alien craft.
December 08
1980—John Lennon Killed
Ex-Beatle John Lennon is shot four times in the back and killed by Mark David Chapman in front of The Dakota apartment building in New York City. Chapman had been stalking Lennon since October, and earlier that evening Lennon had autographed a copy of his album Double Fantasy for him.
December 07
1941—Japanese Attack Pearl Harbor
The Imperial Japanese Navy sends aircraft to attack the U.S. Pacific Fleet and its defending air forces at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. While the U.S. lost battleships and other vessels, its aircraft carriers were not at Pearl Harbor and survived intact, robbing the Japanese of the total destruction of the Pacific Fleet they had hoped to achieve.

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